Monday, November 8, 2010

contentment, and musings

This was written one day recently as I sat waiting for one of my classes to begin.

Being where I am now in life at times can be almost shocking. Though at the time they seemed never-ending, it's nearly as though I fast-forwarded through all the unhappy times of my youth and arrived here at lightning speed.
Here I sit, in a red sweater and pointy-toed shoes, drinking expensive coffee with my Blackberry-esque phone perched on my knee, on an over-cushioned chair awaiting my class to begin at my university. What is this madness? Inside, I feel nothing but peace, confidence, contentment. My life is now led by a series of choices made by ME. I am now the dictator. I am at the very place I have always wanted to be, I am who I always wished to become. I wonder sometimes if this is merely growing up, or if I am just lucky.
Because I do feel lucky, very much so, every day. Of course life is not easy, there are rough times and there is sadness. But as I gaze out this floor-to-ceiling window upon the city I now live, I am happy. I am home.

I had at one time thought my ex-boyfriend was the one for me, in my heart I am very loyal. But in retrospect the main things I learned from our relationship were how NOT to behave, to be treated, to love. In that way, I am thankful. Because while our story has ended and will never be wrapped up with a pretty bow, it will always exist within me and help make my future stories be happier ones.
I do not believe everything necessarily happens for a reason - sometimes bad things simply and inexplicably occur. But how you react and grow from the things that happen is what is important. Human life I believe is meant to be something of a struggle, but things are only as difficult as you make them. I am beginning to see life differently. If you love someone, love them. It is as easy as that.

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